Meanwhile back in North America …
The wEast coast is boiling under an angry yellow sun and the good people of the world live in a precarious position on the verge of heat-induced psychosis. At any moment the tension could break out into chaos.
And maybe that’s your thing.
We’re not trying to judge here at Neural. After all, planet earth is currently at the mercy of at least half a dozen billionaires who could destroy life as we know it with their metaphorical hand gestures.
Has anyone ever wondered What would happen if Jeff Bezos hit a kill switch? on Amazon web services?
Does anyone really believe that Elon Musk is the right person to develop spaceships, brain-computer interfaces, and Bleeding AI?
And we’re not even going to mention the fact that Bill Gates is the largest owner of private farmland in the United States and potentially has backdoor access to the vast majority of the world’s computers.
All of this shows you: The gatekeepers in MINT have the future firmly under control. It’s up to each and every one of us, the Gates, Bezos, and Musks of the world to declare out loud that Rich aren’t the only ones who can be super villains.
But you still need funding. One of the hallmarks of Supervillainy – as opposed to normal, everyday evil – is that it is big and noticeable. It’s hard to be pretentious on a budget.
And that brings us to our first tip: cryptocurrency.
Crypto may not be as popular with criminal companies as regular old cash, but it is current tax laws are so stupid that you can legally hold millions of crypto assets without paying a dime. It would be stupid not to run your criminal business with cryptocurrency.
There is such a thing as being too bad
When the horrors of cryptocurrency are easy too bad There are other ways to become a supervillain for your tastes that don’t require them … disgusting Stuff.
How you could use for example cold fusion to destroy everyone on the planet. One could arguably just use the threat of cold merger to collect bitcoin from everyone – but keep in mind that you can’t stack crypto in a warehouse and then light it to prove how nervous and dark you are.
Also, if you destroy them all, you could get lonely. Fortunately, there are other ways we can use physics to punish the do-gooders and take our rightful place as supreme ruler of the world Cosmos.
Here are a few basics to get you started, but it will take some imagination. Science is strong, but it’s up to you to figure out how stopping or traveling through time, a warp-powered spacecraft, or placing entire planets in quantum overlays will help you achieve your nefarious agenda.
Without AI, you can’t spell villain
Maybe you’re not a physics nerd. Perhaps taking control of the structure of the universe is a little too much of a responsibility for you. Or maybe you just don’t want to get your hands dirty. Can I propose artificial intelligence?
Sure, killer robots aren’t really a thing, but you can do so much more evil with AI than just using it to shoot, stab, and crush people.
Tip number 4: learn to love the matrix
Unfortunately, AI isn’t always a viable solution. What if another super villain gets up in front of you, takes advantage of quantum mechanics and sends us all back to the Stone Age? Even Iron Man couldn’t work his way out of a world without plastics.
In this case, you need to take advantage of more than just the structure of our universe. And machine intelligence is useless in a world without electricity or digital networking.
Well, with one major exception: what if we are all just bits of data living in a computer simulation?
If so, then you need to figure out how to expose and access the real universe beyond our simulation.
You need to follow the first three tips to implement this strategy. Because if comics taught us anything, you probably need a warp-propelled spaceship with an AI system. You have to fly through a supermassive black hole.
How to deal with superheroes
Assuming you managed to live your origin story, a deep-seated hatred for … you need to be prepared for these pesky superheroes.
Inevitably, you will end up with some pantyhose-wearing do-gooders who want nothing more than to see you brought to justice.
While this will be largely a reactionary endeavor – you have to respond to whatever the judiciary throws at you – the best defense is not to be there.
To this end, we strongly recommend that you establish an off-planet base of operations and ensure that your physical body is not the only point of failure that can turn your life’s work upside down.
Here at Neural, we hope you found this article insightful, and perhaps even inspiring.
Becoming the supervillain you always wanted to be is not an easy task. It takes dedication, fervor, and just the right amount of psychopathy.
But we also know that not everyone has the time or patience to become a quantum physicist or to revolutionize the fields of AI and robotics. And realistically, being a normal science villain is more money than being a super villain (see: Google, Facebook).
However, don’t let this stop you from following your bad dreams. You can still help. Just remember to always follow the YouTube algorithm wherever it takes you, spend as much time as you can on Facebook and Twitter, and most importantly, idolize tech billionaires and their trillion dollar companies.
In this way, we can all do our part to help support super villains.