The bijli flashes
And the heat wave is high.
Your disco has an error
But your electric bills are shocking
So hush, aam aadmi, why don’t you cry?
– Daylight saving time, Jhanish Jhoplin
Come on the hot weather and that’s the national refrain, year after year. To address the recurring problem that occurs annually at this time of year, the IIT – the Indian Institute of Tautology – was commissioned to conduct a study to determine the factors behind this mysterious event. After extensive in-depth fieldwork of breadth and depth, the IIT submitted its report, which highlighted some significant findings.
One was that the occurrence of inverse energy — the new, politically correct term for blackouts and blackouts — coincides with hot weather and appears to increase in duration and intensity as temperatures rise during heatwaves, which has usually been the consensus Man-made climate change possibly caused by cross-border “Western riots” instigated by Pakistan’s ISI, a matter the report presented is best left to the Ministry of Perpetual Affairs.
While the report noted the correspondence between heatwaves – caused by Islamabad or not – and reversed energy, it did not come to a unanimous conclusion as to whether there was a causal connection between the two or whether this was a result of Jungian synchronicity being researched and explained by the paranormal Phenomena such as the Bermuda Triangle and the Druidic significance of Stonehenge.
The problem is set aside, nem. con., for deliberation by a specially appointed subcommittee, the report focused further on the mysterious link between the availability – or rather unavailability – of coal and the occurrence of inverse energy. The report found that trying to create an inverse energy relationship with charcoal – or the lack of charcoal – was like making the connection between the chicken and the egg: which came first, the murgi or the andaa?
It was an ontological question about the nature of being, the Kantian thing-in-itself – the thing-in-itself – ultimate reality. Has the lack of coal caused what used to be called blackouts? Or has what used to be called a blackout caused a shortage of coal?
Or did the two occur simultaneously, thereby supporting Bell’s theorem of quantum mechanics, which posits a “non-local” universe in which there are interactions between events that are too far apart in space and too close in time to even be could this connect signals traveling at the speed of light?
In an appendix (identified as Appendix B, footnote 3c), the report drew a parallel between this hypothesis and Einstein’s E=MC2 equation, in which E stands for electricity and MC2 for minus coal squared.
To solve this impasse, the report suggested that it might be best to consider both the presence or absence of coal and the manifestation of what used to be called blackouts in a state of limbo akin to Schrodinger’s cat . which could be considered neither dead nor alive until an observation as to its being or not being state determined the outcome, thereby confirming Heisenberg’s principle of uncertainty.
At this point in the proceedings, the report found that an unplanned reverse energy plunged everything into pitch blackness and suffocating heat, bringing an abrupt end to all further business, which was suo motu adjourned until further notice or until the bijli resumed, as the case may be what was later.
Come on, let’s sweat again
Just like we did last summer
Yes, let’s sweat again
Just like last year!
Remember when all the fans stopped spinning?
Yes, let’s sweat again, it’s time to sweat!
– Let’s sweat again, Chubby Chadda